August 24, 2010.

‎"I think you should have the summer off. To do drugs and other stuff."

May 27, 2010 8:20 am

"You used to be able to type in 'white house', hit the button, and Google would take you to a pornographic website. After thoroughly studying it, I decided five or six hours later that it was pornography."

May 27, 2010 8:15 am

"I would have gotten the job, but it went to that black, Jewish woman!"

May 21, 2010 7:20 am

On music that we listen to, apparently:

"Rock 'n' Roll isn't the music you listen to, where the lyrics are overt: "I screwed my mama last night!"

May 3, 2010 8:15 am

"You know what an egghead is? They think they're the smartest person in the room and act like it, too. Like...you know Griffin Plattner?"

April 27, 2010 8:40 am

"The Democrats are pussies!"

April 27, 2010 8:40 am

On nuclear bomb drills when Gault was a kid:

"And they'd day to get under our desk and I'm thinking, "What the f***?!" And I'm 10 and I know we're going to be incinerated!"

April 27, 2010 8:20 am

On other countries buying United States bonds:

"If the Chinese...what? We've got their money, they've got pieces of paper! So, they better behave."

April 27, 2010 8:20 am

About the island off the coast of China where some Chinese revolutionaries fled to and the Americans swore to protect:

"I don't think we're gonna fight China over this little island. Cause, if we do, where are we gonna get all of our shirts?!"

April 21, 2010 8:20 am

On a conversation with his ex-wife:

"She told me that I needed to follow her to the gas station and pump her gas for her because she didn't know how, and I said "no" and she asked "Why the hell not?" and I said, "Well...equality." We divorced soon after that."

April 21, 2010 7:55 am

"The Navajos...are pretty cool."

April 21, 2010 7:35 am

"They couldn't use the "f" word in the army. Like Harry Potter. The word-that-cannot-be-said or whatever..."

April 19, 2010. 8:15 am

"There is nothing more dangerous than an American teen with a high-powered rifle."

April 19, 2010. 7:55 am

On the army rations:

"They wanted the rubber. Not for condoms. My other class was like "What do they need all those condoms for?!" They're a bunch of idiots."

April 16, 2010. 7:50

On FDR:

"You can talk the talk, but if you can't walk the...wait, I shouldn't say that..."

April 16, 2010 7:20 am

On studying for the AP exam:

"Now, it won't work at 11 o'clock at night the day before after you smoke a joint. This is from experience."

March 19, 2010 7:45 am

On the TVA and the valley with all of its incest:

"Their heads aren't round and their ears are uneven...HAVEN'T YOU EVER SEEN DELIVERANCE?!"

March 19, 2010 7:40 am

Gault: I hate it when students come up to me after the AP exam and say things like "Oh, there was a big essay on the National Rifle Association and you didn't teach us that." And then I say..."The NRA" and they nod, and I tell them, "Sorry, I'm such a horse's ass."

March 19, 2010 7:25 am

When a student was talking about Gault:

Student: A lot of bad things happen to him: polio, appendicitis, allergies."

Gault pops up.

Gault: It's karma.

March 17, 2010 7:40 am

On Eleanor Roosevelt:

"And she spoke with a very high voice. *imitates* Oh, I'm so very glad you're here today!"

March 17, 2010 7:20 am

On his politics:

"I'm a cultural conservative. Conform!"

*insert hacking from several students*

March 17, 2010 7:25 am

Student: (gesturing to her St. Patrick's Day shirt) Am I going to distract you all class?

Gault: No, I was going to go in for a kiss but I thought better of it.

March 15, 2010 7:20 am

"Some people worry about their kids at their bus stop in the dark. They're too dumb to realize you can just put a light out there."

March 5, 2010 8:10

"Bill Clinton has this status because he's nailed a whole bunch of women. It's like high school all over again."

March 5, 2010 8:00

When talking about his childhood and the song "I Got A Thrill On Blueberry Hill":

"We weren't allowed to listen to that song because we all knew what the thrill was."

March 3, 2010 8:30

When speaking about President Harding:

"He may be the greatest fornicating President in history...we're not sure...and now we have the greatest fornicating golfer of all time!"

3/3/10 8:15

"Have you ever seen the backseat of a Model T? It's like a Motel 8 back there!"

3/3/10 8:05

When talking about the place of women in society:

"And who's supposed to be doing the wash?! Women! Or the Chinese."

Most Recent Poll

And this poll's question: What's the best thing about Mr. Gault?

The way he really kills the annoying kids - 48%

His humor - 32%

The fact that he's so "insanely popular" that he has a blog dedicated to him - 16%

His appearance - 3%

Message me on Facebook for thoughts on the next poll.

And congrats to the people who voted for the winning answer!

February 23, 2010. 8:25 am

"The terrorist set his underwear on fire! Run for your lives!"

February 23, 2010. 8:15 am

After telling a stupid joke about how there aren't enough beautiful women left in the world:

"That used to be funny. Now people just think I'm stupid. Right, Lynanne?"

*Lynanne nods*

February 23, 2010.

"When I say "Good morning" when you come into the room, I say *low voice* "Good morning...dammit!" and the French sing it. "Ohhh, bonjour!"

February 23, 2010. 7:45 am

"'Cause they're the *whispers* Founding Fathers. Oh, what did the Founding Fathers want? Okay, let's do that."

February 19, 2010. 7:55 am

About the Great White Fleet:

"Yeah! Let's promote peace by sending weapons of war!"

February 19, 2010.

When talking about why Japan wanted part of Russia and part of China:

"Japan has no natural resources - they have fish, rice and people. That's it."

February 15, 2010.

"We have a moral duty to inform the uninformed so that they can be SAVED."

February 15, 2010.

On the introduction to Alaska to the Union:

"We needed Alaska! It gave us Sarah Palin! And you can see Russia!"

February 15, 2010.

When speaking about Fidel Castro:

"His very presence poses a serious threat to the United States. He's just there and it's making us mad."

February 15, 2010.

On the South American countries being invited to the US:

"They were summoned to Washington, D.C., the capital of the Universe. You will appear."

February 15, 2010.

Can someone remember who he was talking about on this one? I remember laughing pretty hard...

"They're like the Blues Brothers gone international on a mission from GOD."

February 15, 2010.

When speaking about the Monroe Doctrine and how TR enforced it:

"We have the moral AND legal justification to tell the French to get the hell out of the hemisphere!"

February 15, 2010.

When talking about the French and the Mexicans:

"Napoleon the Third - who was cousin to Napoleon the One - sent troops into Mexico."

February 17, 2010.

When talking about Fidel Castro:

"He came to America, didn't make the Dodgers, so he said "Take your Platt Amendment and shove it!""

February 17, 2010.

When explaining how carefully sealed a diplomatic letter is:

"First, they put it in a big leather pouch. Then they put a big lock on that, wrap it in a chain, cover it in duct tape, put it in a block of cement, and lock it in a stainless steel case."

February 17, 2010.

When talking about battle strategies:

"We'll go in there, we'll find the infants, and we'll kill 'em. That'll teach 'em!"

February 3rd, 2010. 8th Period.

When talking about giving us a free period the rest of class, when he was done with his lecture:

"Now you can work on any homework from any class. You can work on history or Spanish or anything else. *pauses* Now, notice that I didn't say you can have sex or do drugs."

*Class stares*

Random student: "I didn't know that was an option."

February 3rd, 2010. 8:20 a.m.

When telling the infamous story of William Howard Taft and how he got stuck in a bathtub:

"So they had to call the ground crew up to get this fat, naked man out of the bathtub."

February 3rd, 2010. 7:45 a.m.

Gault was talking about exactly what the meatpacking industry puts (or used to put) in their meat:

Girl in class: "What are in the burritos at Taco Bell?"

Gault: "Well, that's another story."

February 3rd, 2010. 7:30 a.m.

When speaking of a student he had with a photographic memory:

"He was like Google!"

February 3rd, 2010. 7:20 a.m.

When telling a story about when someone asked Bill Gates if Microsoft had been sued for being a monoploy:

"And I bet Bill Gates said, "Yes, we are, we're Microsoft!"

February 3rd, 2010.

"Whenever I drive by a cowfield, I yell out the windows: "My species eats your species!""

February 3rd, 2010.

When talking about Teddy Roosevelt and his trust busting ways:

"Roosevelt's like Batman. He's gonna go get 'em!"

(Mr. Gault? I take offense to this. Batman pwns Roosevelt three hundred times over)

February 1st, 2010.

"Have you guys seen any bad movies lately? I saw When In Rome. Don't see it. There's no nudity, so what's the point?"

Unknown Time and Date.

In response to several people gossiping about a "weird" kid and all the things strange about him:

"Well, he should his ass kicked for that!"

Poll Results.

When asked what one thought about Mr. Gault -

51% - Ohmygod, he's my favorite teacher!

10% - I wish I were more like him.

7% - He's good in small doses.

5% - Hate him with a burning passion.

Congrats people who like Gault the best! A new poll about the beloved history teacher will be up soon!

OLD - January 28, 2010. Unknown time.

After handing out a county test that I'm pretty sure we were supposed to do way earlier in the year:

"Don't talk and don't cheat. Normally, I'd take your test away if you did either of those, but seeing as I can't, I have a sharpened pencil and I will stab you in the neck."

Holds up sharp number two pencil. Class audibly gulps.

February 1, 2010. 8:15 a.m.

More about Cosmopolitan:

"It was a different magazine back then, not the kind that they hide behind a shield at Publix."

February 1, 2010. 8:25 a.m.

About muckrakers:

"Basically, they're a bunch of investigative journalists - on a mission from GOD."

February 1, 2010. 7:45 a.m.

On the subject of morality and possibly stealing and giving up your morals:

"Screw other people, my kids are starving! The hell with morality!"

February 1, 2010. 8:00 a.m.

"If you have a job, you get healthcare. If you don't...good luck!"

February 1, 2010. 7:30 a.m.

On the subject of 'Obamanism':

"Forty years from now, your kids are gonna come home and say "We were talking about Obamanism in class today." And you'll say, "Yeah, I remember that. Ruined the country."

February 1, 2010. 8:15 a.m.

On the subject of the magazine Cosmopolitan, which used to be a political magazine. A girl in the class had just said that people read the magazine for the headlines on the cover, not the sex stuff.

"What do the headlines on the cover say? 'How to have better sex with your boss?"

February 1, 2010. 8:00 a.m.

Gault: "How do you know what you know is true?"

Lynanne: "Take Theory of Knowledge?"

February 1, 2010. 8:00 a.m.

When talking about homosexuality and it's "moral" consequence:

"Yeah! But it's a perversion! It's in THE BIBLE!"

February 1, 2010. 7:55 a.m.

When ranting about the use of children in coal mines:

"I've never seen that in the Bible: children are disposable. No, I don't think Jesus was a capitalist."

February 1, 2010. 7:45 a.m.

When talking about domestic abuse right before the Progressive Era:

"They can't just call 911! 'Hey, I just had the hell beat out of me and now my husband wants to have sex and I'm kinda against it..."

A Quick Interlude by Coach Christensen

When asked if a glass of wine would kickstart FAS (Fetal Alcohol Syndrome):

"A glass of wine? No, they'd have to be at the bar at four in the morning...ANOTHER ROUND! *sways around a bit*

Unknown Time and Date

"Efe, how does it feel to be the only black person in this class?"

January 13th, 2010. 8:30 a.m.

Gault went on a ten minute rant about how fabulous Teddy Roosevelt was. This was the end result:

"McCain just doesn't measure up to Teddy Roosevelt. Of course, neither does Obama. Obama's not an outdoorsman..."

January 13th, 2010. 8:00 a.m.

On Hanna publicity schemes:

"Be afraid, if you vote for these lunatics, it will destroy America! Be afraid, be very afraid..."

January 13th, 2010. 7:35 a.m.

On new campaign tactics:

"So, they decided that they were going to market the candidates like they're selling cereal."

January 13th, 2010. 7:30 a.m.

When talking about President William McKinley:

"I compare him to Ronald Reagan: you may not like his politics, but by golly, he's like your grandpa!"

January 11th, 2010. 8:15 a.m.

"Going out to the circus this Sunday? NOPE! You have to pray! And you better pray for a better economy, 'cause you're not gonna get one from the Republicans! Ooh! *glances over at the notably conservative students in the class* ...sorry, I just wanted to see if you were paying attention."

January 11th, 2010. 8:05 a.m.

"It's like Grover Cleveland came out against orphans and widows! It's like coming out against apple pie! We're not going to have apple pie anymore, guys! VOTE FOR ME!"

January 11th, 2010. 7:50 a.m.

"What do you use to pay for things? Not the green stuff and not plastic."

Class mumbles incoherently.

"You guys don't get out much, do you? It's called a check!"

January 11th, 2010. 7:30 a.m.

After telling a long story about his birth that no one really cared about:

"She was tied up when she gave birth to me - something she likes to remind me of."

January 11th, 2010. 7:50 a.m.

When speaking (ranting) about population:

"There's also something about population - it grows. We know why. *chuckle*"

January 11th, 2010. 7:45 a.m.

When speaking about currency issues in the late 1800s:

"It got to the point where there was a political party called the Greenbacks, saying 'Just print the friggin' money already!'"

January 7th, 2010. 8:35 a.m.

Rum, Romanism, Rebellion:

"Basically, he didn't stop the man from saying that the other party were a bunch of Catholic Irish drunks who caused the Civil War! And, you know, that's not such a good idea, seeing as they were in New York City, land of the Catholic Irish drunks!

January 7th, 2010. 8:30 a.m.

On the subject of President Bill Clinton's affair:

"Bill Clinton looked straight at me, pointed at me, and downright lied about sex with that woman!...Don't look at me like that!"

January 7th, 2010. 8:00 a.m.

"Every once in a while, God sends us a savior. For example, Ronald Reagan. What a man!"

January 7th, 2010. 7:45 a.m.

On the subject of President Garfield's assassination:

"And they're probing the President with their fingers, sticking them inside of him, pulling out pieces of brain and whatnot...and who knows where those hands have been?"