April 16, 2010 7:20 am

On studying for the AP exam:

"Now, it won't work at 11 o'clock at night the day before after you smoke a joint. This is from experience."

March 19, 2010 7:45 am

On the TVA and the valley with all of its incest:

"Their heads aren't round and their ears are uneven...HAVEN'T YOU EVER SEEN DELIVERANCE?!"

March 19, 2010 7:40 am

Gault: I hate it when students come up to me after the AP exam and say things like "Oh, there was a big essay on the National Rifle Association and you didn't teach us that." And then I say..."The NRA" and they nod, and I tell them, "Sorry, I'm such a horse's ass."

March 19, 2010 7:25 am

When a student was talking about Gault:

Student: A lot of bad things happen to him: polio, appendicitis, allergies."

Gault pops up.

Gault: It's karma.

March 17, 2010 7:40 am

On Eleanor Roosevelt:

"And she spoke with a very high voice. *imitates* Oh, I'm so very glad you're here today!"

March 17, 2010 7:20 am

On his politics:

"I'm a cultural conservative. Conform!"

*insert hacking from several students*

March 17, 2010 7:25 am

Student: (gesturing to her St. Patrick's Day shirt) Am I going to distract you all class?

Gault: No, I was going to go in for a kiss but I thought better of it.

March 15, 2010 7:20 am

"Some people worry about their kids at their bus stop in the dark. They're too dumb to realize you can just put a light out there."

March 5, 2010 8:10

"Bill Clinton has this status because he's nailed a whole bunch of women. It's like high school all over again."

March 5, 2010 8:00

When talking about his childhood and the song "I Got A Thrill On Blueberry Hill":

"We weren't allowed to listen to that song because we all knew what the thrill was."

March 3, 2010 8:30

When speaking about President Harding:

"He may be the greatest fornicating President in history...we're not sure...and now we have the greatest fornicating golfer of all time!"

3/3/10 8:15

"Have you ever seen the backseat of a Model T? It's like a Motel 8 back there!"

3/3/10 8:05

When talking about the place of women in society:

"And who's supposed to be doing the wash?! Women! Or the Chinese."