A Quick Interlude by Coach Christensen

When asked if a glass of wine would kickstart FAS (Fetal Alcohol Syndrome):

"A glass of wine? No, they'd have to be at the bar at four in the morning...ANOTHER ROUND! *sways around a bit*

Unknown Time and Date

"Efe, how does it feel to be the only black person in this class?"

January 13th, 2010. 8:30 a.m.

Gault went on a ten minute rant about how fabulous Teddy Roosevelt was. This was the end result:

"McCain just doesn't measure up to Teddy Roosevelt. Of course, neither does Obama. Obama's not an outdoorsman..."

January 13th, 2010. 8:00 a.m.

On Hanna publicity schemes:

"Be afraid, if you vote for these lunatics, it will destroy America! Be afraid, be very afraid..."

January 13th, 2010. 7:35 a.m.

On new campaign tactics:

"So, they decided that they were going to market the candidates like they're selling cereal."

January 13th, 2010. 7:30 a.m.

When talking about President William McKinley:

"I compare him to Ronald Reagan: you may not like his politics, but by golly, he's like your grandpa!"

January 11th, 2010. 8:15 a.m.

"Going out to the circus this Sunday? NOPE! You have to pray! And you better pray for a better economy, 'cause you're not gonna get one from the Republicans! Ooh! *glances over at the notably conservative students in the class* ...sorry, I just wanted to see if you were paying attention."

January 11th, 2010. 8:05 a.m.

"It's like Grover Cleveland came out against orphans and widows! It's like coming out against apple pie! We're not going to have apple pie anymore, guys! VOTE FOR ME!"

January 11th, 2010. 7:50 a.m.

"What do you use to pay for things? Not the green stuff and not plastic."

Class mumbles incoherently.

"You guys don't get out much, do you? It's called a check!"

January 11th, 2010. 7:30 a.m.

After telling a long story about his birth that no one really cared about:

"She was tied up when she gave birth to me - something she likes to remind me of."

January 11th, 2010. 7:50 a.m.

When speaking (ranting) about population:

"There's also something about population - it grows. We know why. *chuckle*"

January 11th, 2010. 7:45 a.m.

When speaking about currency issues in the late 1800s:

"It got to the point where there was a political party called the Greenbacks, saying 'Just print the friggin' money already!'"

January 7th, 2010. 8:35 a.m.

Rum, Romanism, Rebellion:

"Basically, he didn't stop the man from saying that the other party were a bunch of Catholic Irish drunks who caused the Civil War! And, you know, that's not such a good idea, seeing as they were in New York City, land of the Catholic Irish drunks!

January 7th, 2010. 8:30 a.m.

On the subject of President Bill Clinton's affair:

"Bill Clinton looked straight at me, pointed at me, and downright lied about sex with that woman!...Don't look at me like that!"

January 7th, 2010. 8:00 a.m.

"Every once in a while, God sends us a savior. For example, Ronald Reagan. What a man!"

January 7th, 2010. 7:45 a.m.

On the subject of President Garfield's assassination:

"And they're probing the President with their fingers, sticking them inside of him, pulling out pieces of brain and whatnot...and who knows where those hands have been?"